an ignorant altercation

I left for work at my usual time this morning. Meaning I'd be approximately 8 minutes "late" to work. But, since 8 minutes isn't really that different than 12 minutes, and my supply of smokey treats was dwindling, I decided to stop at the QT on 15th and Grand for a couple of packs of marlboro's before hitting the freeway to work.

Boy, am I glad I did.

This QT is always jam-packed on mornings, with people from all walks of life and parts of the world. But, QT employees being efficient, the wait was not long. I was just telling the fresh-faced chap behind the counter what brand of sunshine I desired when into the convenience store walked a 30-something year old man. This african-american man was somewhat short, dressed business casual, plus a baseball cap and sunglasses. Raising his voice to be heard by the cashiers: "Ya'll better call the police, there's about to be an altercation out there. I'm not joking. There's an ignorant woman out there, and I'm going back out to do my part in this altercation, so call the police. I'm serious." The cashiers eyes widened a bit, but he simply said "Okay." and directed anothere cashier to do so. The other patrons either hurried up and stepped outside to watch, or ignored the situation. A few of us exchanged wide-eyed glances and half smiles over this scene.

Outside I went, directly to my vehicle. People were stepping out behind their cars to watch the scene taking place at the Grand Ave exit of QT's lot. Everyone's windows were down despite the warm weather. I thought about ignoring it, but then realized, "this doesn't happen every day," and shut off the radio, rolling my windows down, too.The man who had forewarned the QT employees was standing next to a '90s model blue taurus, along with a taller african-american man. I couldn't hear or see the driver of said car. I can't quote verbatim what was being said, but it was something like this: "You're IGNORANT! You don't know anything. Go ahead! Call your uncles and cousins. Call everyone! We'll take 'em. Ignorant! You're just plain ignorant!" By this point I was actually driving up behind said Taurus. I hadn't a choice if I intended to leave at all, and the driver (whom the defenders had already distinguished as female) seemed determined to drive away. The two gentlemen were walking back towards their vehicle, located at the petrol pump nearest the Taurus as I idled behind it. "We gotta get to work. F her ignorance. Whatever. She probably lives off of lawd knows who, anyway. WE have to go to work," said the two. The woman in front of me was on her cell phone. Suddenly she geared into reverse. Seemingly "ignorant" of the fact that I was behind her. Gentleman 1 addressed me (my windows were still down) "Watch out now, she's IGNORANT and likely to back right into you!" I nodded sort of, reversed my own car enough to allow the accused to back into the QT lot again. I took a look at her; how could I not? She was in her 40s, a round woman sporting a baseball cap, still talking on her phone. Very unassuming looking, actually. I turned my attention back to leaving this lovely lot, when Gentleman spoke to me again. "See! She's ignorant! She called us __insert N word here__!" To which my left hand flew up to cover my mouth which had opened in surprise as I gasped and my eyebrows shot up. "Yeah! Right?" He said in response to my reaction to her tabboo. I eased forward a bit more, hollering "good luck?!" to the parking lot in general I suppose. To my right, coming up Grand Ave was a patrol car. I was torn between staying to witness the scene and actually going to work...I chose work.

Although, thinking back and considering the all-staff meeting which took place first thing...I might as well have stayed and enjoyed this bucolic scene of semi-urban Americana...People are fascinating! I don't think I'll ever choose to live in the suburbs again.

for a change

yesterday was a glorious day.

i've realized that i must come across as quite melancholy in my blog posts. i suppose it's because the darker moods are harder to deal with and therefore require some written work to handle. for me anyway.

but yesterday--yesterday was fantastic. and i think i should share that.

slept in. but still made it to work on time. that's what we call a bonus.

shot two "The Office" promos in the morning. hilarity ensued. i would love to work on a tv show. either as a writer or photog, or something! not to mention how great the edited promos look...i just LOVE it when something you envision actually comes to fruition...it's a rush!

andrew, nicole, and i then left around noon to go costume shopping for our "The Vampire Diaries" promo. valley junction. the theatrical shop. yes. it was fun, fast, good times. who doesn't love a costume shop? haha...

the rest of the afternoon went swiftly. logs done in good time. fun trying on parts of the vampire costume (like catwoman's mask). then, off at 430 to go to Kids in the Park! (think vacation bible school.)

KITP was great. my group of 1st through 3rd graders? love 'em. we had fun. since the event was outside, we incorporated water into every activity in order to prevent overheating. there's just something so freeing about not caring what you look like. wearing a tshirt and shorts. wearing a goofy straw hat. makeup melting away. water all over. laughing, laughing, and loving every minute. and the best part, of course, is leading the kids. helping them, if only slightly to recognize god's love.

driving home, smelly and sweaty and tired and smiling.

sparrows

Matthew 10:29-31 (New International Version)
29 Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. 30 And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31 So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

I overslept this morning. By almost an hour. I was out the door by 8 a.m. on the dot. (Technically, my workday starts at 8). I wasn't concerned about being late; I live about 12 minutes from my office, and we're often "late."

Yet, when I drive, I tend to get this primal urge to drive faster and slicker than anyone else on the road. I turned my mom's SUV onto 15th street, headed north towards the freeway on-ramp. There are 2 stoplights to contend with in the 4-block stretch before hitting the on-ramp. Betwixt stoplight A and stoplight B, there was a sparrow perched on the road, in my lane. The dapper little fellow in his brown and white feathers was pecking away at some unnameable substance, happily ignorant of the traffic headed his way. We've all been there. Driving and seeing a bird or five scratching for food in the roadway. They seem determined to stay put, only to take wing and sprint out of harm's way at the last moment. We've seen this; we expect them to fly to safety of their own accord. Yet we've also seen the aftermath flattened against the pavement. The aftermath of when an avian beast hasn't been fast enough. This sparrow in my path seemed determined to join the latter group of birds.

But I slowed down. I almost stopped completely. My heart hurt at the very idea of crushing that tiny creature. I irritated the man driving behind me. I saw the look on his face through my rear-view mirror. But I, emily rose, will never intentionally run over something when I know it's within my power to NOT do so. Simultaneously the above quoted verse popped into my mind. Which got me thinking... what if bleeding hearts like myself are obeying an actual wish of God by sparing the sparrows?

I even considered blogging about this might-be-revelation as I sat at the second stoplight. Then dismissed that thought as egomaniacal. (I tend to question whether my thoughts on life are indeed in line with the Divine.) But then a "funny" thing happened. As the light turned green and I crossed Grand Avenue, there was another sparrow, pecking away mid-lane. And this sparrow was as stubborn or naive or blind as the last, for again I was forced to choose between slamming the brakes or running the wee bird over. I slammed the breaks. The driver behind me sped around into the next lane with a look of exasperation. But again, I knew I was acting in character. I do not run over animals. And I have a particular affinity with sparrows, given my tendency to fear. They are symbolic of hope, safety, well-being to me.

So...maybe bleeding hearts like me ARE part of how God spares the sparrows. God made us...He loves us...and he fills us with love to share with others to point them to Him...which is guaranteed joy and completion for any human soul...

just sayin'

My neighbor kid is a pathological liar.
But in a very entertaining sort of way.

With heat index included, the temperature outside is over 100 degrees.
I will be spending 3 hours in said temperature with small children.
There will be over 100 people at this event.
And there will be ONE port-a-potty.


A co-worker bit my finger about two hours ago.
Another co-worker has pinkeye.


Last night my mom saw a tornado from the "safety" of her vehicle.


I leave for New Zealand in 11 days.

warm, summer rains

Open the door. Feel the rain splash on the part of your hair...a liquid shiver. step outside. warm, thick air. enveloping. the rain looks deceptively light. sheer streams. but they hit with a welcome force. row of vehicles: the mpu (cw plastered mobile production unit/rv), jared's, mine, andrea's, larry's, reggie's, mikes. row of satellites. rows of trees. rows of tall grasses, growing wild between business park buildings.
smell the ground. smell the dirt as it turns to mud. smell the earthworms as they start their marathon across the parking lot. smell the water in the air as the precipitation continues.
feel the burn of the cigarette hitting your throat. feel the burn of the smoke in your eyes, crowded under your houndstooth umbrella.
feel the water crawling up your trouser legs, too long despite your 4 inch heels.
watch your bangs frizz in the humid air.
dream about 5 o'clock. dream about ditching the umbrella. dream about soaking up the rain as it soaks up your clothes. you'll watch your curls straighten under the weight of the water, only to crawl back into waves after you retreat inside. you'll watch the raindrops turn an inky black as they cling to your made-up eyelashes.
you'll watch people watching you like 'you've been drinking pink champagne.'
you'll smile unceasingly, because warm, summer rains were meant to be danced in.

miscellany

After a valiant attempt to be superwoman, i have come to realize that i am...well...NOT superwoman.

meaning, i am going to quit my part-time job. i started it (or re-started, as i have worked for this employer in the not-so-distant past) approximately 3 weeks ago. i started it because my full-time job does not pay me enough. i don't mean that in a sense-of-entitlement sort of way. i mean it in a cost-of-living sort of way. my monthly bills (god bless student loans...) dominate my paychecks. my employer literally cannot give raises. my employer literally could be shut down at any given moment to the surprise of literally no one. literally.

i am going to meet with a credit counselor this week. hooray for proactivity!

my best friend is in similar financial straits. lily allen has a song that is quite applicable. except the beaurocrats won't give me a mortgage because of my bad credit...but it's not so funny because i don't have their effing money.

have i mentioned that i despise money?

yet i love stuff. 'tis an uncomfortable quandry.

time to count the blessings. i am surrounded with good people. a number which increases weekly. i have a loving family. i have my passions, which i can indulge in freely. i have freedoms. and i get to go to new zealand in 18 days. THAT, my dearies, is phenomenal.

my wish list may be long...but my have list is long, too.

funny story time.
i am the proud "owner" of an 11 year old nova scotian duck tolling retriever, penny. she is definitively spoiled. she is also definitively precious and sweet and loving and adorable. yesterday she was in the bedroom while the rest of the family was in the living room. I decided the old girl should join the party. as i entered the room, she looked up at me with her gentle eyes. "come on, penny, up we go," i said as i slid my right arm beneath her furry, 35 pound frame.
"YELP!" she exclaimed. of course i was worried. although dogs in general, and my dog in particular, tend to play the 'wounded pet' act when simply bothered, i never can tell. i pulled her up, to see if indeed i had pinched a nerve.
that's when the wrestling match began. "Here's my opportunity to escape!" thought penny. "i can't let you go, my arm is entangled in your front legs!" i said. she thrashed about, a blur of reddish orange fur. i followed suit (although my hair is reddish brown). our heads hit. nails were bared. she had the benefit of the aforementioned fur to protect her skin. i, however, do not. after a blow to the face, to the upper right cheek-near-the-eye region, the clash of the red-heads was ended with me lifting a hand to the afflicted area and her snorting her indignation over the indignity of our little tussle. i took my hand down; no blood. looked in the mirror, definite swollen red mark. i went and grabbed an ice bag from the freezer. then returned to the bedroom to see what madam penny had to say for herself. like a possum playing dead, she flipped from laying on her stomach to her back, legs in the air, throat bared, the proverbial pose of submission. "yeah, you better be sorry!" i said with a bite of bitterness. however, i couldn't resist approaching my dog. cut to 30 seconds later. once again my dog is in my arms. but this time, it's cuddling.
moral of the story? my dog is spoiled. she might injure, but she will always be my baby.

amitié

how,
why,
&
should
friendships end?

((more later...)

my personal springtime

Spring is Comforting.
The Gray clouds remain; but the Green grass
is so Vivid that Brightness prevails.
Rain and wind dominate, but the humidity sets in, and
the smell of the Damp earth warms me.
I can FEEL the tulips and daffodills
stirring in the ground,
their bulbs hatching neon green shoots.
I wait and I watch for the trees to bud,
as I listen to Nature's soundtrack of birdsong.
Soon the days will be longer.
Soon those trees that will, will blossom.
Soon the air will be thick with floral fragrance
and the humming bees will appear.
But right now I see charcoal gray clouds
playing hide and seek with
a white-bright Sun.
The ground is Spongy-soft and a Dark, Deep Brown.
The grass is short
and Emerald green-
new and nourished and yet to be bleached.
The trees are yet stark
and the flowers still hiding,
But,
Springtime is here
and it comforts me.

((written on april 4th, 2006... re-posted not because of it's awesomeness...but b/c i love the outside.))

chimera

I had a dream about you last night.
I was walking down the street. Not just a street. The street that is always in my dreams. It's on the fringe of a downtown somewhere. A hilly town. Brick buildings, old streets, flowers. Wood-trimmed windows painted black, hunter green, navy blue. Chipped gold lettering to display the business' business. Coffee shops, bakeries, vintage clothing, boutiques; hipster spots adorn the streets. Sometimes the shops are all connected through back doorways, yellow hallways, rickety stair cases, tunnels and alleys...but it's dream-land...so that changes. ((I wonder if this town actually exists?))
I was on that street - my street. It was overcast. There were people all around; my street is always busy. Beautiful people. People wearing sweaters and funky hats with long hair and beards...people wearing corduroys and cotton skirts and dancing to the music in their head. The glitterati arethere, too. And older, wiser folk. Small kids. They dance to the street musicians, they laugh, they mingle.
I duck in and out of the shops. I want to see a concert at a coffee bar. But something won't let me stay. I have to get out of there. I walk hastily down the street, out of my colorful neighborhood toward taller gray buildings. The overcast sky is getting darker and darker. But while I'm yet on my street's final corner, I glance across the street.
Across the wide, wide street.
There is the final colorful shop. There are you. Sitting outside. You sit at a black, wrought-iron table. You are holding a large, thin book. Like a sketch book. You've been watching me. I look your way, You cover your face with the book. Familiar disappointment fills me. Familiar pain and confusion. I keep walking. You remain across the street at the table. I look over again. I don't know why. You twist your body away from me, in towards the table. You bend your arm and cover your face.
Why?
Simultaneously the rain starts to patter down and a gentleman approaches you.
The rain forces me to turn around and jog towards the safety of My Street.
The gentleman forces you to walk in the same direction as me.
I enter the coffee bar with the concert that I had previously been in. I come in through the back. You and the man are coming in through the front. He indicates a round, oak table near the front. You sit. He leaves.
I can't take it anymore. I approach you. I sit down, tears have already filled my eyes.
You avoid eye contact. I reach my hand over and lay it on your arm, compelling you to look at me.
I know we had a discussion. I know you said why. But like too many dreams, those details evade me. Or perhaps were skipped over like a scratched DVD. You miss the specifics, but the plot flows on.
Scene change; instant. Dreams will do that. We're in a house. There are a few people who live here. It's a typical 20-something home. Almost-bare walls, mismatched furniture. We're in the basement. We're laughing. We've made peace. An old classmate from UNI walks by the door of the room we are in. He shakes his head, smiles. "Ooooh, you two"... he seems to say.
We're the proverbial happy couple. Minus the relationship. We tickle each other, and tease (which seems far-fetched even to my dreaming conscience.) We walk upstairs hand-in-hand. (Which seems right even now.)
We're in the kitchen, around the island. (This is always where key moments happen in relationship dreams for me.)
We both realize we're behaving as if we were "together." You can't accept that.
You still love her.
Your face loses all animation and color. It lengthens, your eyes lose their sparkle.
My heart weighs too much now, and all fades to black.